


Forever Unsatisfied

by OvereducatedAndOverworked



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 01:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10374402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OvereducatedAndOverworked/pseuds/OvereducatedAndOverworked
Summary: Angelica's thoughts throughout the years on Hamilton.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenMissFit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenMissFit/gifts).



> For QueenMissFit! I tried to keep with your theme of tragic romance, and well... Angelica/Alexander is what jumped into my head immediately. I hope you enjoy!

Angelica’s heart stopped the moment she saw his face.  He made a handsome figure walking in with several men by his side, staying at the edge of the ballroom to watch the ladies dance.  His sparkling blue-violet eyes shown from his face, played off by the smirk on his wide mouth.  His intelligent gaze was in juxtaposition against his frail frame.  Eliza laughed at her expression, before whispering in her ear, “That one’s mine,” but it didn’t even register in Angelica’s mind.  His look drew her forward, and she was before him before she could realize her actions.

“Hello,” the man said, and his bow made all of her thoughts spill out of her mind.  She politely introduced herself, and made small-talk while systematically studying his sharp jaw, his auburn hair, his fair complexion.  Her heart tapping a tattoo in her chest as he observed, “You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied.”

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, vexation, and—what was this heat?  She had never felt anything like it in her life.  His every statement only fueled the fire she felt, and her mind raced with possibilities.  She saw the attraction in his eyes, something she saw often in the eyes of potential suitors, and yet the uneasiness men so often assumed upon speaking with her was nowhere to be found.  Was this what falling in love was like?

After a few minutes she turned to find Eliza, to tell her of the events—and as she caught her sister’s eye, a lightning bolt struck her.  Eliza’s gaze was firmly on the two of them, and the passion that Angelica felt within herself was evident in her eyes.  Her mind flashed back to Eliza’s words, and for a moment she felt as though her heart would burst.  She wanted to scream, to cry, but instead she made a choice.

“Come with me,” she told the man, Alexander Hamilton, as she took him by the arm and guided him to Eliza.

All it took was an introduction, a few short words, and her fate had been sealed.  She walked away from the enraptured couple, and gracefully walked outside, finding a comfortable spot to cry.

* * *

Her heart stopped the moment he said “I do”.  She wasn’t sure how she held it all together; how didn’t they see her smile was forced?  Her eyes watering?  Perhaps they thought she was simply crying in joy for her dear sister, and she was, truly.  But the weight on her chest that made it difficult to breathe simply wouldn’t leave.

“A toast to the groom,” she began, trying to keep her smile cheery and her tone light-hearted.  Simple when gazing at her beautiful sister, but Alexander—she averted her eyes.  Her thoughts scattered, she recited her prepared speech to her rapturous audience.  She tried to incorporate all the love she felt, keeping out the pain, but as her speech ended she could not resist gazing at Alexander once more, and added, “May you always be satisfied.”

She dashed off the stage before she could think too much about her statement, missing Alexander’s wide-eyed look, and took a glass of champagne and downed it as Laurens announced their first dance.  Angelica took another and ignored her father’s look, watching the action until she could stand it no more.

She turned from the happy couple, wrapped in one another’s arms, who looked for all the world like no one else in the world existed.  This time, she didn’t even bother to gracefully walk out, instead moving as quickly as she could through the crowd until she was lost in the garden.  She sunk to the ground, allowing herself to sob. 

After a few minutes, however, she stood, brushed off her dress, wiped her eyes, and gracefully walked back into the party.  Eliza was celebrating her marriage, after all, and her joy would not be complete without her sister by her side.

* * *

Her heart stopped the moment he refused to come with them.  She had spent a month convincing her husband to allow her a visit home alone, ten days cooped up on a boat, and two days traveling to their home, and yet all was to be for not if she couldn’t convince Alexander to come with them.  All they had desired was a simple family getaway—an opportunity to spent time as one group, a place to relax and for Alexander to take time away from his work.  And yet, with a single phrase, he destroyed these dreams.

Angelica just sighed as she sat on Eliza’s bed, listening to her complain on and on about her husband as she packed for the retreat.  Angelica would have joined her, but her heart felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds, and all she could do is sigh and agree.

Eliza stopped packing in the silence, and noticed her sister’s face.  “Angelica, are you quite alright?”

She searched for the phrase that would sooth her sister’s worries without raising her suspicions, but what slipped out was, “I’m not sure.”  As Eliza wrapped her arms around her sister in support, Angelica just thanked the heavens for sending her an angel.

* * *

Her heart stopped when she heard the gossip surrounding his pamphlet.  Word spread through London like a wildfire, and it indeed felt like her world was being eaten by flames.  She purchased a copy of his publication, and as she read more, her mouth soured, and her heart raged.  How dare he betray her sister!  Angelica’s heart transformed love into anger, traded admiration for accusation.  She loved him, but she loved her sister more.  In her fury, she purchased a ticket to New York, and wrote her sister a letter telling her to expect her arrival shortly.  When her husband found her packing he tried to talk her out of it, but nothing John Church said could raise a candle to her fury.

* * *

“Congratulations.”  Hamilton raised his head in confusion, and his eyes lit up at her sudden appearance at his office.  “Angelica!” he cried, and ran up in what looked to be an attempt at a hug.  She turned away, placing her hand on his chest, and pushed him back.  She was not here for comfort, but for confrontation.  He could not betray them and be allowed ease.

“Give her the best life,” she finished her case, and took one last look at Alexander, committing his image to memory.  He had changed so much in the ensuing years, and she supposed she had as well.  Those eyes, the bright blue eyes she had fallen in love with, were now covered in a haze of sorrow and regret.  His posture was bent, and he looked for all the world like an old man.  She glared at him, and turned away, walking with what she tried with all her might to be a graceful stride, but her mind echoed with what her sister had told her.

 _‘I still love him_ ,’ she’d confessed, as they hugged in the ashes of the burnt letters.  Angelica sighed, and suppressed the words that cried out to be spoken: _‘I do too.’_

* * *

Her heart stopped the moment the moment his did.  She wasn’t sure it would ever restart.  And looking at her dear sister, she knew that they were both unsatisfied.


End file.
